Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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