If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
