I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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