Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Text me some of your sweat
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