i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
