I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
