Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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