Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
