you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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