His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
