you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
