Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
