I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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