bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
