The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
