So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
