Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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