the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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