I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
