Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
