then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize