I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
