my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
