My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
