i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
