Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
