I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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