I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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