STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
