it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
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We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
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EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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