I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Randomize
