so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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