Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
