Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i think i have herpe
just one?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
