id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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