shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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