Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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