So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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