Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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