I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
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I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
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I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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