fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I deserve this hangover.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.