who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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