He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
