He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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