the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize