This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
