Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
