Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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