giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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