I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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