I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
