Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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