I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My life is pants optional.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
