So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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