I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
