i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
