I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she woke up with a sticky ear
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
