listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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