Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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