I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
