A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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