Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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