So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
