Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
