just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
