She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
