i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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