covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
