I think I just saw someone hide a body.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
