Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
