i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
