I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
