Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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