how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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