Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
