I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
