Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
