You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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