I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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