so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
