you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
